Sunday, 22 June 2014

Stuff I'm Going to Do

When I started this blog, I called it 'My Adventure Book', after the book that Carl and Ellie possess in the movie 'Up'. I planned to fill this tiny space of the internet with my adventures, whether they be in my house, my food, my beauty products...anything I could get my hands on. I've done a pretty good job, so far, I think. I'm proud of what I have accomplished here, having set myself a task and stuck at it, considering I give up very easily.

In fact, this blog is probably one of the only things I've ever stuck at. 

Lately, I've been suffering from an acute case of "I wish my life was better" syndrome. It's where you look at other people's lives and wish they were yours. It's extremely detrimental to your physical and mental health. I suggest you avoid might be contagious.

You see, when I was younger, much like Carl and Ellie, I had a list in my mind of stuff I wanted to do. I wanted to write a book (this was the main one), I wanted to play Eponine in Les Miserables and I wanted to be a Disney Princess, all of which are a bit far fetched. And, as I've grown up, each one has passed me by as I've slowly entered the realisation that they're not going to happen.

The only thing that hurts more than not achieving your dreams is watching somebody else achieve them. 

Lately, I've watched so many youtubers and bloggers get asked to write a book as I sit in my house, staring at a blank Word Document, trying to bring some kind of life to the page. Now, writing a book is a small fraction of what has been going through my mind, but I thought I'd use it as a key example. I watched as these people, who are the same age as me, achieved everything I've ever wanted, while I sat uselessly at home.

I thought about how easy it must be for them, to make so much money doing something they loved while being given such amazing opportunities to travel the world and tell their stories. 

But my life isn't theirs. 

My mama is a very wise and intelligent woman and if you ever need advice on anything she will gladly tell you the truth. So she gave me a massive conversational slap around the face and told me to snap out of it. My life isn't theirs. The only way I'm ever going to write a book is if I work a lot harder than them. The only way I'm going to travel the world is if I save all my tips up in a jar until I can afford it. 

Recently, Zoella uploaded a video where she was upset about how overwhelming it is to be a youtuber and to have the pressure of 5 million people's opinions on you. As a huge fan of hers, I was really glad to see the video. Not because she was crying but because it showed me how even these people with their "perfect lives" aren't necessarily always happy. They aren't always lives that should be yearned for. Everything she said in the video was exactly how I feel; that she felt like failure and that life was overwhelming for her. I doubt that she'll ever read this, but if she does, I'd like to say thank you. 

I've been growing sad because, like Carl in 'Up', I felt as though I hadn't achieved anything so far, just because my list of dreams hadn't come true. I hadn't visited my 'Paradise Falls'. But near the end of the film (spoilers), he finally turns past the page of 'Stuff I'm Going to Do', and sees all the things he had done

This was his adventure; the everyday beauty of life.

Ellie writes "Thanks for the adventure - now go have a new one!"

I have the rest of my life to have my adventure, if not, every day will be an adventure anyway. I will write my book but it will take more than making a few youtube videos for that to happen for me. I have to work hard, but in the meanwhile, I will admire the beauty of each day on Earth, because I don't know when it'll be my last.

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