Saturday, 24 February 2018

Why Deleting Twitter Was The Best Thing For My Mental Health

Blouse - C/O Miss Patina | Shorts - Bebe | Tights - Calzedonia | Beret - C/O Beauxoxo | Boots - Aldo

A couple of weeks ago I took a break from Twitter. And if I'm totally honest, it was a long time coming.

Twitter used to be my favourite social media platform. When I first started blogging back in 2014, it felt like a haven for bloggers. Everyone was friendly and welcoming and I found myself apart of this community that I had never experienced before. I finally felt like I had a place where I could chat, be myself and have fun.

But over the years I've noticed a subtle change in Twitter. Whereas before I would find myself itching to tweet, excited to interact with others and see what they had been up to, now I found myself endless scrolling and coming across a whole shed load of negative vibes (I know, I know, "negative vibes" is the most overused term of the year). Whether it was someone sending out a sneaky subtweet or just a full blown argument erupting out of nowhere, I found myself bombarded constantly with all this absolute crap. And the worst part? I was addicted to it.

I think a lot of us would be lying if we said we didn't kind of enjoy it when blogger drama breaks out. Whenever an argument started, I found myself hunting down the source, scrolling through tweets upon tweets upon tweets of people screaming through their computers. And while none of this involved me, I was hooked. The blogosphere is like the ultimate reality TV show and if you watch for long enough you're bound to get to the juicy stuff. 

After some time, I began to wonder how this was affecting me. I thought that I found it mildly entertaining, but the real truth was that it was seeping into my brain every single day like destructive waves of radiation. While the odd bit of drama added some spice to the online experience, it now feels like every day there's some form of bitching going on. 

It all came to a head when I stupidly decided to air an opinion about something on Twitter, something that I thought at the time wasn't a big deal. Boy was I wrong. I found myself being the centre of the whirlpool as a herd of people shouted at me in 240 characters. And while I tried to remain cool, it wouldn't stop. It was like being suffocated. 

I was done. 

I wrote a tweet.

"I need a break." 

And I deleted the app. I removed it from my Safari shortcuts. And in one minute, the weight had been lifted.

I could breathe again. 

I decided to take a break from Twitter, for as long as I needed to get better. I knew I had been addicted. I even suffered from withdrawal symptoms for the first few days of my break. I continuously went to tap the app that wasn't there anymore. 

But for every day that passed, I found myself living a little bit more. I still went on Instagram and found myself surrounded by positivity on there. It felt how Twitter used to feel. 

They say if something is making you unhappy then you should cut it out, so that's what I did. And I had honestly never felt better. 

After a couple of weeks I redownloaded it. I decided I was just going to use it far less and only tweet things that I thought very carefully about first. It wasn't long before I was sent something that just made my blood boil. 

What is wrong with Twitter?! I thought. 

And if I'm honest, I still don't know. I often wish it could go back to the way it was, but I honestly believe we may be well passed that now. The blogging community has become something reminiscent of my secondary school and that is not a place I want to be often. I have since deleted the app again and have stuck to only using it on desktop to limit my usage. I also unfollowed tons of people who were constantly throwing out negativity and decided to focus on the people who made me smile every time I saw a tweet from them. 

But in a way, I'm kind of glad I've had this epiphany, because it's meant I could cut a huge chunk of internet out of my life that I was previously addicted to. As a blogger, I am constantly on my phone and forgetting to actually look around at the world. But now, I am far happier knowing that there's one less thing to worry about. x


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